A lot of times we bottle up anger and negative emotion towards a colleague or a supervisor due to one issue or friction that has happened in the past. In several cases, we allow such issues to affect the way we work and our relationship with them. Such bottled emotions at some point get to affect our personal health and within a short period of time, we get frustrated about the colleague, the supervisor, and even the job.
I have heard things like “I keep giving my best working late hours and all I am doing seems not to be enough” or “I think She just does not like me”. For example, I was speaking to a friend over the weekend about his last performance appraisal at work where he believes he was downgraded and he goes “the people that were not marked down, you will be wondering whether they fly on a witch broom to do the work”. He was actually angry about the fact that his best seems not to be enough and his appraisals were poor despite all efforts he has put into the work.
The truth is that being technically competent is not enough to excel in today’s workplace. You also cannot singlehandedly ascertain that your work is fantastic without your supervisor or reporting line agreeing with you. You need more than your competence to excel and maybe you just need to go back to the drawing board and forget the past to have a better work experience going forward.
I listed below three steps that can be taken to get over the anger and negative emotions you have towards a colleague and the attitude to excel in the workplace.
- Forgive and let go
I know the first reaction to this is more anger, like how can you forgive someone that did something so terrible to your career. I understand you have this sense of betrayal from some colleagues or maybe you feel the supervisor appraised you badly in the last performance review which affected your promotion, incentive or pay raise. I know how it feels and I must say forgiveness is difficult.
However, you cannot have a closure on the past and work well with someone without forgiving them. So please try and forgive, assume it is one of the sacrifices you have to make for your career, let it go and forge ahead. Afterall, your anger will not increase your month-end paycheck.
2. Have a discussion to agree on expectations
Once you forgive the person from your heart, try and have a discussion with them where you may even apologise to them about the past. Once you apologise, try and let them know that you need them to improve and you would appreciate if they can be clearer in their expectations and be a support system for you to succeed.
You could have something like this to get the conversation going; “Thank you, David, for agreeing to meet with me. I would like to first apologise for the errors I made on Ajanlekoko Project. I am sincerely sorry for the embarrassment I caused you and for the re-work you have to do. I really want to improve my work output and I need your support on this, could you please let me know what your exact expectations are from me so I can work towards them and give a better work output? Also, would it be out of place if we have a monthly performance brief so I can know what I am doing right and what I need to improve on?” Once expectations are agreed, try and document it via a mail to avoid disagreements.
3. Have a positive attitude
Attitude is everything in today’s workplace. Remember that adage which says “attitude is a smoke that cannot be hidden”. You need to show a positive outlook to work and also your willingness to learn and show that you are teachable. Let your supervisor see an outright change in your work attitude after the conversation you had and let everyone at work see that you have learned from the past and moved forward. Make sure you go that extra mile to deliver results. Do not miss a deadline and where you have to shift a deadline, please communicate well ahead and get the buy-in of your supervisor and colleagues.
Above all, make sure you enjoy your work and stay happy. I usually do not believe you should quit a company because of one colleague or supervisor you have a conflict with. Conflicts are part of our daily lives and they form part of the workplace. That is the reason why organisations make conscious effort to ensure that conflicts remain healthy without those involved getting toxic. We spend long hours at work and it is important that we should stay happy, and enjoy the work environment including building lasting relationships with co-workers. Should you still have career issues to discuss, please reach out.
NB. Names used are imaginary. Kindly drop your comment and please share to your connections.
7 Ways To Attract The Right Mentor in this Digital Age
3. Show seriousness and willingness to learn: You must be willing and show an interest to learn. Willingness is prime to attract your mentors. Nobody will be interested in mentoring an individual that is not willing to learn. Doing so is a waste of energy and resources( time, knowledge, experience etc). Know that mentorship is a privilege not your right. Therefore, be open minded and ready to learn.
4. Engage your desired mentor’s social media pages: This is one of the wonders of the digital age. If they have personal social media pages, do well to follow them closely. Don’t just learn from them and go on with life. Try your best to engage their posts by liking their post, write insightful comments, share, talk about how the person’s works have inspired you, talk about how you’ve made use of one of their strategies to get results (don’t tell lies), retweet their tweets etc.
5. Invest : Yeah, investment yield profits. If your desired mentor writes a book, do your best to buy and read the book. If the person publishes an article, do your best to read and learn from it. Investing in their resources will make you know about them, their thought on issues, and will be a good conversation starter.
6. Attend Their Events : If your desired mentor is speaking in your school, around your workplace or in your city, make an effort to attend and if the opportunity allows, strike a conversation. If they need volunteers, offer to volunteer. Volunteering helps you to learn new skills, meet new people, expand your network etc.
7. Shoot your shot: Now, after doing all this, and you’re faithful with it, take a step further by shooting your shot. If the person says no, do not feel bad. Move on and approach someone else. All the best.
5 questions you should ask yourself to achieve your goals this year.
What I am about to share with you will be a game changer for you especially if you’ve been struggling to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself.
Applying what you learn from this article will make what seems difficult to achieve look very simple to achieve.
I have applied it personally and guess what? It works like magic. Life is too short to do guess work, it is important you do what works. OK, let’s get started.
The truth is that many of us set goals(Big or small) but very few achieve their goals. Those few actually practice some things and principles consciously or subconsciously and one of those things is asking the right question. Once you can ask yourself the right questions and provide the right answers, believe me, the dots will connect.
I don’t know the goals you’ve set but by asking yourself this set of questions, those goals will be achievable before the end of the year.
So here are 5 important question that will not only help you set the right goals but CRUSH your goals:
1. What exactly do you want to achieve?
This sound funny right? I know but the truth is many don’t know what exactly they want to achieve. Today they want this, tomorrow they want that. Several people keep swinging from one thing to another like the pendulum bulb used in physics practicals during my secondary school days. Just kidding.
You have to know what exactly you want to achieve. Don’t be like those young children who often replied with different answers when you ask of their future ambition.
Some of them want to become a Doctor now and in few minute again they want to be a lawyer. Life is not like that.
Those that achieve their goals know exactly what they want even if you wake them up from their sleep.
Definiteness of purpose is key to achievement of goals. Have you read a powerful book called “Think And Grow rich” ? The book is a all time bestseller book written by “Napoleon Hill. By the way, you should read that book if you’ve not done so before.
One of the profound lesson this book teaches is the importance of definite purpose. By having a definite thing you want to achieve, you will ignore distractions and focus on what truly matter to you(YOUR GOAL).
You will agree with me that we live in a distracted world. There are a lot of things calling our attention and can easily get us distracted.
That is why you must be exact with what you want to achieve. I want to buy a car is not enough. Narrow it down. What type of car? What type of colour? Be definite. Know exactly what you want. So ask yourself ” What exactly do I want to achieve?
2. Why exactly do you want to achieve it?
This question is what people often don’t pay attention to but a very important one. Your why is the reason or motive behind what you want to achieve.
It is your “Why” that will determine if you will give up when things are tough or not. Your “Why” will determine the level of your tenacity.
Have you heard of Martin Luther King “? I believe you should have. He achieved his goals of true freedom for the black just because of his ” Why”.
He could have give up easily because of the pressures and pains. But he couldn’t because he has a strong “Why”.
He has a strong reason for pursuing that goal. He wasn’t doing it to be praise by men but doing it for the sake of humanity. How strong is your “Why”?
Your “WHY” must be right. It must motivate you. Is your goal to meet a need or to satisfy a greed? Will achieving it make you better or bitter?
Unfortunately, many people focus on what and how but neglect the why. Any goal that won’t bring you fulfilment is not worth pursuing. Any goal that won’t make you happy should not be pursued.
Any goal that is not in alignment with what you ultimate purpose is not worth pursuing.
Pursuing those goals that is not in alignment with your ultimate purpose is like chasing after wind.
Why do I want to achieve this goal?” should be a burning question in your heart. And guess what? If your why is right, you won’t take “NO” as answer and give up even when rejected.
A strong ” Why” will make you rise after every fall. It will help you not to be dejected despite being rejected.
Those that achieve their goals have strong why and you must have one too if you will achieve your goals.
If you don’t have a strong why, please create one for yourself. By doing so, you are automatically set yourself on a journey of possibilities. Ask yourself right now ” Why exactly do I want to achieve it?
3. When exactly did you want to achieve it?
This is very important. If two individual set the same goal but one has a deadline and the other didn’t, with no iota of doubt, all things being equal, the one with deadline has higher chance of achieving that goal than the individual who didn’t have a deadline .
When exactly did you want to achieve your goals? Is it next week, next month, 2 weeks time? .
It’s all yours to decide but you must have a deadline. You have to know that Goal without deadline is just a wish.
If you will achieve your goals, you must attached a deadline. And make sure it’s a definite one. Pick a date e.g September 28, 2018.
Always remember that goal without a deadline is just mere wish. And wishes is cheap.
Cheaper than salt. Having a deadline will make you do the right thing at the right time. It will make you know the length of time available for you to achieve your goals.
However, don’t set unrealistic deadline meaning that your deadline must be a realistic one.
You know yourself more than anyone knows you. Therefore, attached a deadline to your goal. I am not saying you shouldn’t stretch yourself but do it wisely.
I once heard a quote and I attest that it is true. The quotes is “Goals without deadline is dead on arrival. So ask yourself ” When exactly did I want to achieve it? “
4. Who or what do you need? You see, you can’t do it all alone, you will need resources to achieve your goal.
That is just the way this world is structured. You have to use what you have to get what you want. Just the way the computer requires some input to produce an output, your goals requires that you input certain resources for you to be able to achieve it.
Of course, the type of resource depends on the goals you want to achieve. However, that still doesn’t mean you won’t need any resources whatsoever.
From my perspective, there are two basic resources you will need to help you achieve your goals.
They are Human and other resources. Human resource are the people you need on your journey to achieving your goal.
Other resource are countable or uncountable resources you need to achieve your goals. Both of them are important.
Will you need to make one or two contact with some set of people.
You want to appear on TV? Why not find out someone that works in a TV station or meet someone that have once appeared on TV to put you through?
I have applied this method and it works. A recent example is this, I wanted to speak on a platform but I knew it will be somehow difficult but I took the bold step to tell the convener and show him some results I had produced in that area. He eventually accepted that I will be opportune to speak in the next meet up.
The truth is that some goals requires material resource especially money while others requires uncountable resource such as time, commitment etc. Its all a matter of resources.
Your goals can become a reality if you have the right ” Who ” and “What you need to achieve your goals. So ask yourself “Who or what do you need to achieve your goal?
5. How can you achieve your goal? Yea. This is also very important. You have to have a plan and strategy in place to achieve your goals.
Many people don’t have strategy in place, all they do is to Hope. What they never know is that Hope is not a strategy.
You have to have a mapped out way of achieving your goal. Sometimes, you might need to think of different ways before deciding which one fit in the best for you.
Just as there are different ways to kill a bird, there are also different way to achieve your goal.
Spare some time to think through how you intend achieving your goal.
Your goal won’t achieve itself if you don’t take proactive step towards achieving it.
In fact, i was able to achieve one of my goal this year because i discovered that i have to beg for a price deduction because my income couldn’t meet the cash requirements. And guess what? I eventually begged and the price was slashed just because I begged. If I was hoping for the goal to be achieved and not strategize, I might not be able to achieve it. That’s the power of “How”.
However, knowing your “HOW” is useless if you won’t implement it. It is also worthy of note that Your how can change. Don’t be rigid but flexible.
If a way is not working through, strategize other ways just make sure it is still the right way.
Like I said earlier , just as there are different ways to kill a bird, there are different ways to achieve your goals.
When a way is not working, strategize other way to make things work. Because it doesn’t work So ask yourself “How do I intend achieving your goal?
Well, I believe what you should have with you now is your pen and paper.
Its time to get to work. Your goals are achievable if only you ask yourself the right questions.
Do you have any question? Kindly ask, we are here to help you.
5 Types Of Books That Should Be In Your Personal Library.
You’ve probably heard the saying that “Readers are leaders” several times. Well, the saying is still true.
One of the habit successful people cultivate is reading books and I believe you should cultivate it too.
I love what Dr. Seuss said on books. He said “The more that you read, the more things you know. The more you learn, the more places you’ll go”.
The importance of reading cannot be overemphasize. In books, lies solution to numerous problems and answers to questions.
Reading books makes you relevant in any field you find yourself. Benefits of reading books include Mental Stimulation, improve your writing prowess, improve your analytical skills, makes you more focus, helps in decision making, improves memory and improve
Other benefits include vocabulary development, improve the quality of your conversation with others, shapes our world view etc
Reading books is now easier than ever before, we now have books in different formats unlike several years ago when the only types of books is book in prints. We now have books in audio formats, ebooks etc
While this article is not to reveal to you why you need to read alone but the types of books you should have in your personal library.
The types of books you have in your personal library matters a lot because it will determine the types of books you will often read. Here are types of books you should have in your personal library in no order of importance include :
1. BIOGRAPHIES AND AUTOBIOGRAPHIES: Biographies are books written and published
about an individual life. According to Wikipedia, it is a description of a person’s life. It involves more than just the basic facts like education, work, relationships, and death; it portrays a person’s experience of these life events.
Autobiographies on the other hand are stories on one’s life written by oneself. Isaac Newton is reputed to be the one of the greatest scientist that ever lived. One of his famous quotes read “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giant’s.
You see, one of the ways to stand on shoulders of giant is to read their life account in their books.
Reading Biographies and autobiographies of great people will make you see things they do differently that makes them successful such as their habits, approach to issues, responsibilities, philosophies about life and so on.
You will also discover things they do wrong and how to avoid them.
Biographies and autobiographies also inspire you to go ahead to do great things like those you’ve always admire.
It will motivate you to do what seems impossible since you’ve seen it happen in their life(Those you read their Biographies).
Biographies and autobiographies also gives you opportunity to have distance mentors. It makes you know their thought process and view. By reading the biographies of those you admire, you’re indirectly getting mentorship from them.
I have never met Richard Branson of Virgin airlines but by reading his book I have gained a lot from him.
Therefore, having autobiography and biographies is important in ones personal library.
Who is that person you admire or love what he or she does? Why don’t you get a copy of their Biographies or autobiographies?Add them to your personal library and do well to read.
2. SPIRITUAL BOOKS: It is often said that we are spiritual being having human experience.
Spiritual books leads to spiritual awakening. Irrespective of your religion belief, having spiritual books in your personal library will help you develop your spiritual
It will help you understand some core reasons, practices, principles behind your religion belief.
Spiritual books will make you an enlightened being. Also, one of the ways to experience Spiritual growth is by reading good spiritual books.
Some spirituals books are therapeutic, by reading them your mind get resurged and free.
So include spiritual books in your personal library.
3. FINANCIAL BOOKS: Financial literacy is important. The first Financial books I read was “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, after which I read The Richest Man in Babylon.
Those two books called my attention to basic personal finance principles such as save before spending and not spend after saving, save 10% of your income, work to learn and not (more…)